the first is centered around self realization
the recognizing of actions and behavioral patterns, at least to me, is very important
to me it is the pinnicale
you may take this moment as your outline for alteration
you may take it as a moment to rejoice in your achivements
or you may damn yourself again to old destructive ways
ignorantly so or with conviction
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May 2, 2008
Salud Patty,
What up Motha licka
It is I, --------, of the ------. I have started at least 7 letters to you, never to get more than two pages in and decide there is no way I will mail it. Why? I aked myself tha too, actually I stopped asking myself that awhile ago. Why is it that such a silly that can only lead to absurd answers.
Today my letter will be about something personal, something right now. But also forever. I am a bitch. I know it, anyone I ever get close to knows it. I'm mean, I put people down, subtley and constanly, until they no longer want to be my friend. Its a pattern. Anytime I get close enough to someone, enough to let my guard down, I critisize them until they until they can't stand being around me. I did it to -----, to ------, to -------- and ------, to ------, and now to -------. I always make excuses when I see these friends try to retreat. The excuse I made to ------- was sort of an eye opener though. We were at --------- and we had just done E and I was trying to explain how sorry I was for being like I am, and he told me I was only like this to the people I loved. I think I must find faults and exploit the. Why do I do this?
My mother's response was that I have the gift of attracting extraordinay people to be my friends.
I'm going to try to make an effort to make it up. I know that this sounds half hearted - and who knows, knowing me- but I would love to make it up to -----, because the people I do this to are the people I am afraid of losing the most. A letter to you, I guess, is a start. I wish I had the nerve to send you some of my other beginnings of letters, but they sound retarded to me. I actually did finish one, put it in an envelope and everything, but when I reread it, it was so sad.
Love,
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I must admit that for this persons privacy I had to bend some phrases
also if they are reading I want them to know I love them and miss them
I always will
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