LETTER

as a preface, i hope you all notice how privacy is insured. names are represented with dashes. aside from privacy, i also think that this makes letters a bit more universal/applicable to all readers.
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Dear Patrick,
Hey! Its ----------- --------------, that girl you have known since ----------. Anyways, I think its excellent that you are doing the letter project, because i just finished an essay talking about how writing has more of an impression on people then words sometimes. Ok now for the juciy stuff, for some reason I had a feeling I was supposed to write my name and tell you this. You probably think that I am happy and smily all the time, but the only reason I seem that way is because I bottle in my emotions. I have a very difficult time crying in front of people because I can't even cry in front of my own mother. When I was little and I would start to cry my mom would yell at me telling me to stop crying and ask why I was crying. And of course I couldn't tell her why because it is hard when you are crying. So I would run from her and go in my room. Before my parents got divorced my dad would be the one to come in and hold me until I was done crying so that i could explain myself. And he still does that to this day, except now a days he lives in Arizona. So everytime I cry now I have to do it by myself and I have a hard time telling people how I truly feel because I dont want any conflict. The last time my dad held me when I cried was after I heard him and his girlfriend having sex in the room next to me for the second time. I know you probably don't want to hear that but you said be honest. The thing is, I can't even remember a time when my mom actually comforted me as I cried because she would usually make it worse. Oh, and my grandpa on my dad's side refuses to talk to me because I have a life, but I actually don't mind because he was an asshole that always made me feel like crap. But I learned that smiling and humor are the best things to hide behind. Well Patrick, I hope thats what you were looking for. Thank you for reading this, I feel that a lot is off my shoulders. Hows Chicago? I want to go there someday so I expect you to give me a tour. I'll tell my friends to write you a letter because this was actually really good for me. So thank you again. I hope to hear from you soon!

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side notes/after thoughts :

first:
reading this letter , re reading this letter, transcribing this letter and reading this letter again made it so very apparent that we all need someone at some point in our lives to offer comfort.

second:
the act of crying still baffels me to this day: its good and its bad, its private for some and public for others, it feels needed sometimes and other times its thrown in for theatrics.

third:
i was very suprised when i saw who this letter came from.
and although she admitted that she wrote her name on the letter to me i still dont feel right putting it on the internet with her name. it was written before the blog came to be and i understand privacy is a very important thing.(that is why i prefer stalls to urinals). also i think that a name would detract from the universal nature of the project. i understand that these are all personal letters, we are indivduals shaped by our expirences and passions; but this does not discount the fact that all humans together have been through similar expirences and may gleen from ones expirences the beginings of a new train of thought or empathy.


as always
much love

patrick gill