letters again

Hello everyone out there

here is a very sweet letter that i recently had the pleasure of reading.

hope all is well
here it goes

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For You Patrick,

I know it has taken me forever to write but hey better late than never?

What gets you through the night?
Knowing that I have lived a day, though it may have been super stressful. And hopefully I will have another day to expirence my youth in its fullest. I am grateful I can sleep in a place that is beautiful and safe with parents who love me no matter who I am. The fact that getting through the night is taking away one more day of from Bush's presidency is also a plus.

How do you get through the day?
To be honest, though it is no suprise, smiling really does helpme get through a day. Even when my life seems to be in shambles, a joke or sarcastic comment about my situation is enough to survive to see another. Most people tell me repressing my feelings is bad but I feel like I let my feelings be exposed by laughing. Another way I make it through the day is to make sure I have events in the near future to look forward, whether it be reading an entire book in one day or seeing a movie, knowing I have something to be excited about I know it is going to be ok. And if times are really bad singing at the top of my lungs to a song I feel I sing well is a way to not run away. I can give you a list of classics later.

What dreams have you had since childhood?
There are many dreams I have had that I do not necessarily let the general public know about because they seem unattainable. I have always dreamed of going to college in a big city outside of California. I am fulfilling that dream next year! I want to write a book someday. As cocky as it sounds, I think people would actually read my memoirs. I would love to meet Tom Brokaw and tell him he is going to televise my liberation of the Middle East or I will just enjoy a cup of tea with an amazing journalist.

But really.....

A dream I have had since my childhood is to make my mother proud of me. To let her know all the sacrifices she has made to raise me paid off. Therefore, she can see me and say thats my daughter with a smile on her face.

__________________________________________________

if the format of this letter intrigues you
it is because it is a direct response to a flyer (made by Katchina) on my page
if you wish to do the same (it helps focus the mind sometimes) go ahead
if you wish to print the flyer and spread the word that is good too
if you want to make a flyer, check it with me, i will most likely ok the design
and you can go on posting it

ENJOY
much love
patrick

LETTER

as a preface, i hope you all notice how privacy is insured. names are represented with dashes. aside from privacy, i also think that this makes letters a bit more universal/applicable to all readers.
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Dear Patrick,
Hey! Its ----------- --------------, that girl you have known since ----------. Anyways, I think its excellent that you are doing the letter project, because i just finished an essay talking about how writing has more of an impression on people then words sometimes. Ok now for the juciy stuff, for some reason I had a feeling I was supposed to write my name and tell you this. You probably think that I am happy and smily all the time, but the only reason I seem that way is because I bottle in my emotions. I have a very difficult time crying in front of people because I can't even cry in front of my own mother. When I was little and I would start to cry my mom would yell at me telling me to stop crying and ask why I was crying. And of course I couldn't tell her why because it is hard when you are crying. So I would run from her and go in my room. Before my parents got divorced my dad would be the one to come in and hold me until I was done crying so that i could explain myself. And he still does that to this day, except now a days he lives in Arizona. So everytime I cry now I have to do it by myself and I have a hard time telling people how I truly feel because I dont want any conflict. The last time my dad held me when I cried was after I heard him and his girlfriend having sex in the room next to me for the second time. I know you probably don't want to hear that but you said be honest. The thing is, I can't even remember a time when my mom actually comforted me as I cried because she would usually make it worse. Oh, and my grandpa on my dad's side refuses to talk to me because I have a life, but I actually don't mind because he was an asshole that always made me feel like crap. But I learned that smiling and humor are the best things to hide behind. Well Patrick, I hope thats what you were looking for. Thank you for reading this, I feel that a lot is off my shoulders. Hows Chicago? I want to go there someday so I expect you to give me a tour. I'll tell my friends to write you a letter because this was actually really good for me. So thank you again. I hope to hear from you soon!

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side notes/after thoughts :

first:
reading this letter , re reading this letter, transcribing this letter and reading this letter again made it so very apparent that we all need someone at some point in our lives to offer comfort.

second:
the act of crying still baffels me to this day: its good and its bad, its private for some and public for others, it feels needed sometimes and other times its thrown in for theatrics.

third:
i was very suprised when i saw who this letter came from.
and although she admitted that she wrote her name on the letter to me i still dont feel right putting it on the internet with her name. it was written before the blog came to be and i understand privacy is a very important thing.(that is why i prefer stalls to urinals). also i think that a name would detract from the universal nature of the project. i understand that these are all personal letters, we are indivduals shaped by our expirences and passions; but this does not discount the fact that all humans together have been through similar expirences and may gleen from ones expirences the beginings of a new train of thought or empathy.


as always
much love

patrick gill

LETTER

i actually have been meaning to put this letter up for quite some time.
it is very direct and helpful
if you want to see exactly how someone gets through the day, than read this.

dont forget to show this writer some love
respond if you wish
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How i survive.....

I survive by surrounding mysefl with what i find is beautiful or interesting
such as:
music
art
literature
poetry
beautiful scenery
actions

If I cannot be in a beautiful place then I try to look on the bright side.

I analyze to the fullest extent. I am always thinking. I try to see the whole picture and I love to try and help people. I generally am a solitary and sometimes lonely person. How I deal with this is by somehow ahving a connection with someone or something even if it is something small like an exchange of smiles.

The world depresses me. I try no to think about it too much but I can't help it sometimes. This is when I write poetry or prose and/or create art. I'm not sure it is all that talented but I try and it is an outlet.

Oh and I love to learn and listen to people. I think of every moment as an opportunity to learn something new. I use ma super-analyzing skills to discern what my opinion is.

I don't like conflict, it depresses me. But if there is a situation where ther is confilct then I try my best to slove the problem, and help others out with their problems.

I try to keep an open mind to always continue to learn.
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ENJOY

Fresh start with the early letters

i believe this actions requires a bit of an introduction
my name is patrick gill and i am a part of the illinoise letter writing project
i have the pleasure of posting these letters and keeping them up on my wall
thank you to anyone who has written me.

i would also like to mention that this blog runs parrallel to a more interactive myspace account that i also run.
its url is www.myspace.com/patty_is_raddy (oh how i wish i could change that url)


I am going to post letters, verbatim of what i receive. if you send in a letter and you do not want to see you letter up, you may express that concern in the letter. i value privacy, so i will not post the name of the sender or subsequent names mentioned in the letter (unless you express that this is ok with you.)

I ask of everyone who reads these blogs that the writers of these letters are respected. responses to this posts are allowed and encouraged. but if they are detrimental or harshly negative then i will be forced to delete them. otherwise you may express concern, sympathy, empathy, or other emotions or words.

that being said i hope you enjoy
these are two letters i recived so far.
they are both from unamed sources, so i feel their writers character are going to remain intact

Letter 1:
I was looking forward to being able to tell you how I get by day by day, but i just recently found I dont know myself. Life is too stressful and drama filled. I wish things were simpler. Like when we were little things werent that big of a deal and people weren't judged so much. Today is different. As much as I love technology and ideas of the future, my generation does not look very hopeful. I myself have confrontation issues beacuse I am used to apathy in conversations over the computer. Reality is difficult, people aren't what they seem and have just as many secrets as you. I don't know if you have heard of Post Secret, but it is one of the few things salvaging my soul. Reading people's secrets lets me know there are others out there with the same problems. I am not alone. And for some odd reason odd reason, knowing others fears and hopes and desires comfort me. If you don't know what I am talking about visit Postsecret.com. Anyways, this letter is quite random, and I like that. I dont have enough spontenaity in my life right now.
(I hope you can read my handwriting...)
Thank you for this opportunity. I am going to write again in my free time
I hope you enjoy reading all the letters you recive. It sounds like a pretty cool project to me
Have a nice day
Yours Truly,
from a very uncertain lost soul
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if you have not read post secret
i also encourage it
and if you have a facebook i recommend the social moth application if you enjoy post secret

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Letter 2:

I can't understand why
fear and hate consume
me. I hate the way I
feel. So much that the
thought if ending my
life has crossed
my mind numerous
times. I've tried to
think positive. I dont
want to die. I just want
this pain that plauges
me everyday to go away.
They say it's just a phase
It'll go away. They ask, why
are you so sad? If I knew
I could fix it. I am hiding.
I know you're in there. It's
okay to come out. The real me is hiding.
She's bound and gagged by depression. He
wont let her out. Please let her out. Please let
her free. I can't handele this anymore. Everyday
is a constant battle to not shoe my pain to
anyone. They dont understant. Everywhere i
hear the same thing. What do you have to be
depressed about? Instead of ignoring my pain
how about open your heart and try to
understand. But no one seems to care. I am
fighting for my happiness, my sanity. Its all
on me.
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i wrote this in this form because of the picture drawn on it



i feel that the flower is necessary to the entire presentation of the letter
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ok
so these are just the first of many to come

much love
and keep on living